


Formidable

by bobakins



Series: Versions of Love [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Small mention of Jeno, small mentions of Doyoung, small mentions of Haechan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:34:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24251410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobakins/pseuds/bobakins
Summary: The illusion of their relationship had shattered a month ago - leaving Johnny disillusioned and confused. But, by the time, Minseo has asked him out on a date, Johnny knows it's time to end.
Series: Versions of Love [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1750546
Kudos: 4





	Formidable

Buzz! Johnny jumps startled as he is abruptly shaken out of his thoughts. His heart jolts, erratically beating as he fumbles around to switch off his phone alarm. He breathes deeply a couple of times, soothing his heart. He walks to the bathroom to make the final adjustments to his hair. He steps back to admire himself and notices that his eyebrows are still knitted together. He tries to relax his face by smiling widely. Johnny walks out of the bathroom and picks up a small beige bag from the bedside table. He reaches into the bag, takes a flat black box and opens it. Inside lay a gold necklace with a resin encased flower pendant. She’ll like it, right? Johnny closes the box and places it back into the bag. He makes his way to the living room, the dialogue from a film getting louder and louder as he gets closer to the threshold. 

“How do I look?” He asks.

Doyoung pauses the TV as he, Haechan and Jeno pry their eyes away. They scan Johnny from head to toe, analysing every detail of his appearance. 

“If I truly can say this, I think you look good, but of course not better than me. No one can look better than this handsome face here!” Haechan says, gesturing at his self-proclaimed ‘million-dollar smile. Everyone rolls his eyes at Haechan. Johnny smiles at Haechan as he says “I guess I’ll take that as a compliment then.”

"You look handsome, Johnny. Good luck on your date!" He says with his beaming eye-smile as he throws a pillow at Haechan.

“But, why are you so worried? You’ve been dating Minseo for 2 years,” Doyoung asks, tilting his head.

Johnny tenses, his hand becomes clammy and his heart begins to race. He hopes that they hadn’t noticed. Doyoung had brought it up before - the change in Johnny- and this had taken Johnny by surprise. He would bring up that Johnny no longer seemed to look forward to his dates and Johnny would constantly find other excuses like he was nervous. Every time, Doyoung would give him a sceptical look but would question it further. In these two years, Johnny was progressively losing hope. At first, the relationship shined and sparkled of love, understanding and acceptance. But they couldn’t recover from arguments about her avoidance and her constant drinking. His persistence and constant concessions were what kept their relationship going. It was the silly hope that he held, that their love could once again sparkle and shine. It was also a silly hope that he’d let go. 

Before Johnny could answer Doyoung, a pillow whizz past Jeno and hits Doyoung square in the face. Haechan eyes widening as one of the cushions falls off the older man’s face, revealing Doyoung glaring at him. Realising what he'd done, Haechan scoots far away from Doyoung as possible. Doyoung lunges at him and drags him back onto the couch and the two of them start bickering. Jeno smiles at them amused at them and waves at Johnny. Johnny sighs relieved that he doesn’t have to lie to Doyoung again and slips away from the living room.

With each step he takes towards the front door, the sound of his heart pounding in his chest gets louder and the sounds of the trio bickering getting quieter. As Johnny places his hand on the door handle, he can only hear his pulse pounding in his ear. While yelling an unheard “goodbye” to the trio, he steps out of the flat. Leaning against the door, he places his hand on his heart and slowly breathes the cool air around him. The pounding of his heart becoming muted as he tunes in to the hum of the city.

As Johnny makes his way to the florist, the sun sinks into the city’s buildings. Hues of pink, blue and orange reflect off of the glass buildings on the main road. Ahead, the small, quaint building of the florist peeks out from amongst the steel structures. Its glossy, cream bricks gleam in the sunlight. A multitude of pots of palms and succulents hug the entrance. As Johnny pushes the shop door, the chime of the bell rings; making his presence known. A dog bounds at Johnny excitedly wagging her tail as she paces around him. Johnny couches down and pets the dog while cooing at her affection. A man appears from the shelves at the back of the shop. He was tall and well-built. His black tee hung loosely on his body with a glossy, green apron tied tightly around his waist. He leans against the nearest shelf as he watches the sight before him for a few minutes with a dimpled smile. 

“If you keep petting Bubbles, she’s going to end up following you home, Johnny,” The florist chuckles as he walks to his workstation. 

“I don’t think my roommate would mind really,” Johnny says, amused by the confession, “Maybe, I should dognap her instead, Jae”

“If you did. It wouldn't be bad anyway because I know the culprit and I know where you work,” He shouts as he walks to the back to collect Johnny’s flowers. 

The florist walks towards the workbench with the bouquet. “What did you say that these flowers were for?” He shouts. “A date,” Johnny replies as the florist picks up the flowers. The florist cocks his head to the side. These aren’t dating flowers. He shrugs off the thought as he walks up to the workbench.

The soft hues of the pink carnation blooms harmonised with the proud, salmon chrysanthemums and peach roses. The wax flowers timidly peek out of the eucalyptus foliage. While the solid aster boldly stood out with its beads of tiny, gold flowers. But, what stood out to Johnny was the uniquely shaped cyclamen. The neck of the flower bent over in shame. A stance suitable for its meaning - rejection. 

"I hope it's successful!" Jaehyun cheerfully says while putting the flowers in a brown kraft paper bag with gold script across it, “But, that means I won’t see you at the bar today then?” He says disappointedly. Johnny absentmindedly nods in response. His mind wondering whether the new hire will be able to keep up with the pace of the bar.

“Well, here’s your bouquet”, Jaehyun says as he hands the flowers to Johnny shaking him out of his thoughts, “That will be £35.” Johnny stops petting Bubbles and walks up to the 

“Isn’t it usually £40?” He says confused as he presses his card on the card reader. The Florist smiles warmly at Johnny as he says “A discount for luck.”

-

Johnny hurriedly walks to the corner of the street. He shifts the bags down his arm and uses it to hail a taxi, but multiple taxis drive pass. As time goes by, a dull ache in his arm starts to form. Should I take the Tube? As he juggles the pros and cons of taking the tube, a taxi comes to a stop in front of him and he hops in. 

"Where to?" The driver asks.

"The Milano, please!" Johnny says as he places the bags on the seat next to him.

The driver grunts in response and drives off into the streets of the waking city. Inside the taxi, Johnny looks outside the window as the buzz of the city becomes more palpable. The workers wake up from their sluggish 9 to 5; Elderly making their way to the theatres; School children zig-zag across the pavement on their way to the nearest arcade. The taxi stops at a red light and blaring lights of the cars head making it known that rush hour. A group of school children run across the road. One of the girls bumps into a man in a crisp, black suit. She bows carelessly, her hair thrown in front of her face and runs off. Her friends on the other side laughingly at her. The man shakes his head disapprovingly in the direction of the children and finishes crossing the road. 

Johnny looks at his watch and takes a mental note of the time. 45 minutes until the date. The small jerk of the taxi crawling through rush hour traffic reminded him that he was getting closer to his destination. Small beads of cold sweat slowly form on his forehead as a plethora of thoughts plagued his mind. The pervading thought being: Will it end well? The taxi starts to feel hot, his throat feels thick and his airways congested. The cars of either side of him seem to close in on him, helping to squeeze the air out of him. He rolls down the windows to let in some air but instead gets a large dose of exhaust fumes. He grimaces and rolls the windows back up and loosens his tie. As he sinks into his seat, Johnny sighs and leans his head against the window as he concentrates on his breathing, trying to wipe his thoughts away. 

The driver pulls up in front of the Milano. "We've arrived." He says, shaking Johnny out of his thoughts.

"That will be £18." He states.

Johnny shuffles around, taking out his card and taps his card against the card reader. He steps out of the taxi, grabbing the bag and bouquet and shuts the door. He watches the taxi drive off before walking towards the entrance of the Milano. His shoes clack against the cream concrete path. The sweet smell of peonies lining the sides of the pavement filled the air. Ionic columns stand at the entrance of the redbrick building as ivy snakes and twist itself around their bases. Light pours out of the windows which gives a peek into the restaurant. The restaurant's sign softly glows against the interwoven ivy surrounding it. 

A porter greets Johnny and opens the gold-laced oak doors. A chandelier hangs in the middle of the room. Panels of twisted glass hung below the lights. Some glass panels contained a strip of metal - some were fused olive-green, others amber or aqua glass. The faint clatter of knives and forks could barely be heard over the murmurs of the restaurant. 

A man standing at the reception desk greets Johnny. He was tall and lanky with a mousy face framed by black-rimmed glasses. His name tag read Jisung.

"What time is your reservation? Who's name is under the reservation?" Jisung asks

"8:30. Johnny Seo." Johnny promptly answers.

"You may enter...Your guest is already here.”, Johnny slightly raises his eyebrows at the statement, “Rose here will escort you to your table." Jisung says as he points to a dark-skinned black girl next to him. 

Rose leads Johnny down a dimly lit maroon corridor. Along the way, Johnny made small talk with her. Her answers were short, but she kept the conversation flowing. The restaurant floor was dimly lit. Candles were set in the centre of the tables, the air permeated by the murmurs of sweet nothings; rich notes of the double bass; rhythmic playing of the piano and mellow ring of cymbals. They walk across the restaurant floor, weaving through the tables of lovestruck couples. Their conversation comes to a halt as they reach Johnny's table as Johnny’s attention is diverted, becoming mesmerised by his girlfriend. Rose quietly leaves Johnny’s side.

She was facing the window, her eyes glistening as she observes the cityscape. As he walks closer to her, he realises that her eyes were instead glassy and unfocused. The candlelight softly illuminates her features. Her coal coloured hair flowed down to her shoulders. Her teardrop earrings twinkle in the glimmer of the candlelight. Johnny scans her from her full eyebrows to her maroon lips where a wine glass was peached. The mulberry liquid slips into a gap between her lips. Johnny frowns at the sight of it and then clears his throat. She doesn't turn around. He carefully places the bouquet and the bag containing the necklace on the table. When she doesn’t respond to his movement, Johnny leans his face near the side of her face, his lips ghosting her ear. The strong smell of jasmine warmly greets him; the wood accents reminding him of that first Christmas they spent together. "Minseo." He whispers. His breath tickling her ears. 

"You gave me a fright!" She scolds playfully as she places her glass onto the table. Johnny lets go of the breath that he’d been holding. A whiff of her wine scented breath causes Johnny to scrunch his nose. His eyes shift to the half-drunk bottle of wine on the table, disappointment settling thick in his throat. Minseo notices Johnny’s gaze lingering on the wine bottle. 

“I hope you don’t mind that I started ahead,” She turns her attention to the bouquet and the necklace case then she looks at Johnny, examining his face with an unreadable expression on her face. Turning her attention back to the gifts, she admires them with a small frown for a short while and places them aside. 

Then, someone clears their throat. The couple looks up to see Rose waiting with menus in her hand. "Here are the menus," She says as she hands them to the couple, "When you're ready to order, press the button and I'll come to you. Do you have any questions?" 

“We don’t” Johnny replies curtly smiling. Rose nods and leaves with a strained smile plastered on her face. Johnny takes a menu and starts to scan the various dishes. His eyes land on carbonara and memories come flooding back. The slow pushing of carbonara into lush lips. Minseo’s hands on his thighs despite his rejection. Rising voices. Shouting. £20 notes thrown in his face. The phones recording. The muffled crying in his bed. Dark circles the next day. 

Johnny puts the menu and massages his temples. Minseo gives him a look of concern but he shrugs it off with a smile. Looking at the menu again, Johnny decides to not eat anything pasta related and orders a Neapolitan pizza. Minseo an Aglio e olio. When Rose finishes taking their orders, Johnny and Minseo engage in mindless talk about work and the weather. The conversation leaves Johnny bored and slowly engulfs into silence - the clatter of knives and forks serving as ASMR.

He sinks into his seat and observes the couples to distract his mind. The whispers sweet nothings to each other, eyes full of stars admiration for each other and caressing each other's cheeks. Genuinely enjoying each other's company, something Johnny hadn’t felt in a while. Across the restaurant, a young couple catches his eye. The man was around 5’9, tanned and had constant beaming as he converses with his date. The woman was only slightly shorter than him. She had brown doe eyes and her curls formed a halo around her head. They both radiated happiness like they were stars. Sparks could be seen when they glanced at each other. They were beautiful. He and Minseo were once this beautiful. The bike rides and picnics along the river. Cooking together. The blushes and smiles. Their promise of abstinence. The illusion shattering that day a month ago. He and Minseo were beautiful - they were.

Johnny is taken out of his thoughts by the prominent smell of garlic assaulting his nose with the muted salty smell which signals the arrival of their food. Rose places the dishes in front of the respective person and leaves without saying please enjoy your meal. He focuses on the pensive look on her face. The way her eyebrows knit together and her eyes stare at the steam rising from her carbonara. She wanted to say something. Her eyes meet his, slightly surprising him. She didn't look fazed at the fact that he was staring at her face. 

"I have something to say…" she trails off as the drumming of her fingers slow and her eyes flicker. Johnny's stomach drops; his eyebrows drawing together; a dull squeeze of his heart. The pain increases as her silence stretches. 

"But you’ve already said it...the flowers...pink carnation for I will never forget you; pink roses for gratitude; and last but not least the cyclamen for separation. You want to break up, don’t you? I guess we’re on the same page," Minseo says, her voice wavering as she glances at Johnny.

Johnny’s eyes widened as he looks at Minseo, stunned that she knew that this was the end. She knew and beat him to it. A chuckle rises from his throat as the weight is lifted, a bitter taste left on his tongue. Minseo looks at him in confusion. Johnny stems his laughter and manages to answer with a curt okay. They both continue to eat their food. Johnny takes the flowers and the jewellery box and places them inside their respective bags. 

“You can keep them,” He says as he hands them over to Minseo, “They were my parting gift.” Minseo hesitantly takes the bags and they continue eating in silence surrounded by the murmurs of sweet nothings and blushing faces.

When they finish their food, Johnny walks to the front desk with Minseo following. He pays for the meal and brightly smiles at Rose and Jisung at the front desk. 

As he steps out of the building, the crisp, cold summer air cuts his cheeks. Minseo walks passes him, he watches her for while watching her figure get smaller. When he no longer can see her, he starts his journey home. As he passes the peonies, the bitter, pungent smell of them fills up his lungs. The colour of the petals - a pale yellow no longer that bright yellow that he first saw. He turns to face the Milano once again observing the ivy-laced columns and turns away. 

Johnny weakly hails a taxi. One stops up next to him and he steps in.

"Where to?" The driver asks.

"Yuno Flowers," Johnny says as he slips in the backseat. 

The driver grunts in response and drives off. He lays his head on the cool window. The dull ache in his heart becomes more pronounced as the taxi is driven away from the Milano. Tears slowly collect at the base of his eyelids. He clenches his hand, the fingernails digging into his palm as he throws his head back to prevent the tears from falling. They fall anyway. From the corner of his eye, small teardrops trace his cheekbones. He wipes them away hoping that the taxi driver hadn’t seen them. The ball in his throat intensifies as his voice incessantly pounds against his Adam’s apple. Groups of people - coworkers, friends and the such - fill the buzzing streets. The relief and joy of coming off work apparent to all. The banter between friends lights up faces like fireflies. Johnny averts his eyes unable to process such emotions. He watches the light from the lamppost move across the ceiling. 

“£9.80, please. I hope you. Had a nice ride!” The driver says he comes to a halt. 

Johnny smiles absentmindedly, taps his card and steps out of the taxi. The dread slowly sinks in his stomach with each step he takes to his flat. One thought repeatedly appears - What do I tell them? As he reaches his door he braces himself and practices smiling for a couple of minutes. He puts the key into the door. Clunk! The door opens to a smiling Doyoung and Haechan waiting expectantly for the good news. 

“How did the date go?”

“It was formidable...Formidable!” Johnny says as his voice crackles. Doyoung ushers Johnny inside as the tears fall from his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Any feedback would be much appreciated...It's my first fanfic so I hope it was a good read:)


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